VICTORY

Hello everyone!  I have been on cloud-nine since June 12th, but I just needed a little while to process things all by myself...Hopefully this will be the last post you read about She-Ra's health for a VERY long time!!  As some of you know, I went off to visit my brother and his family in Germany (that post will come later).  Before I left, the vet team and I had a difficult decision to make:  find a way to get She-Ra to treatment (in the form of a GREAT neighbor OR Boyfriend treating her - yes, he knows how, but it was risky doing it at home for various reasons)  OR take a chance and pause the treatments.  We were all torn.  Because of her unique, mostly internal issues, it was difficult to say just how licked the fungus was.  It's true, there were no new lesions, but who knew if they were lurking just beneath the surface waiting for a break?!  And we did NOT come all this way only to have to back track!!  The other successful case had needed treatments for six months! On the other hand, we all knew there would come a day when we would just have to see how she did.  She had a full-strength immune system at this point, and she just really looked good...  After about two minutes of personal deliberation, I decided it was time to trust that God had taken us this far, He would be with us regardless of the outcome...........so we took the leap.  She would miss three treatments when I was gone, and then be evaluated the day after I returned.

I walked in to Nashville Vet Specialists that Tuesday afternoon - late, because I had stayed late at work to catch up - and was met with bunch of grins and "where have you been?!"s....I was standing at the counter waiting for the balance to pay...Ashley called the techs to find out the day's total...she yanked the phone away from her ear as someone yelled on the other end....Ashley grinned, turned to me and said, "There's no charge today!"  Excuse me?

Dr. O'Neill came through a door with She-Ra.  And then Jennifer came out a different door.  And then Dr. Wang, Meredith, and about 5 other people that I had yet to meet...."We'll see you in August," Dr. O'Neill said.  August?

So for the next 45 minutes or so, we all stood around talking about our miracle girl, sharing stories (they snuck She-Ra people food!!) and pictures (see below!) and "I can't believe it"s.  There was no one else in the waiting room, so tech after tech came out to say hello/goodbye and to love on She-Ra.  We were all grinning like goofy kids.  Dr. O'Neill is excited to share the case at a conference she'll be attending in July - the practice of administering drugs under the skin like we did is not common, but we sure want the world to know!

I have said the entire time how much I love and appreciate the staff at NVS for their attention and care toward She-Ra.  I was even more moved when they showed me all the pictures they had taken of She-Ra.  They took pictures for themselves, which proved to me how much they really want to remember her, which proved that they really truly did care!  I know it's silly - it's not like I think they were lying - it's just difficult to imagine others caring about your pet they way you do.  Jennifer is the tech who gave She-Ra her treatments each week, and she just sat on the floor snuggling her for a while.  She-Ra absolutely sensed the excitement, and bounced from tech/doc to tech/doc just eating up all the attention.  This is the main team that treated her, and I am SO IN LOVE WITH THIS PICTURE!!  {I added their names}

Dr. Wang - Internal Medicine: she's been with us from the start fighting the immune disorders, and constantly checking on She-Ra throughout.  Dr. Schmidt consulted, and covered for Drs. Wang and O'Neill when they were gone.  Meredith is Dr. Wang's tech, and is the very first person we met at NVS.  She visited with She-Ra each time she was there, even if She-Ra wasn't there to see Dr. Wang.  Dr. Stenross - Emergency Medicine: she also consulted and covered.  Ellie is another tech that's been with us from the beginning.  Dr. O'Neill - Dermatology: she's the one who decided to try a treatment plan that was mostly unknown, and who kept the faith the entire time.  Jennifer is Dr. O'Neill's tech, and probably spent the most time with She-Ra.  

This has been one crazy ride, but I am so grateful for all the love and support along the way.  Her first condition - the immune system fighting itself - could always come back.  But for today, we won, and that's what we focus on.  Our girl is happy and playful, and only has a few scars to show for all her fighting :).  They just make her look all the tougher :).

PS:  WOOOHOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She-Ra, Princess of Perseverance!!

(Brief re-cap for those of you just joining in: my dog developed a freak immune disorder that required drugs that suppressed her immune system, and then a nasty fungus moved in with her compromised defenses.)

About a week after the high of my Jasmine Star shindig, we received the results from She-Ra's biopsies.  It was what the docs had feared, a nasty fungus had started trying to kill my girl.  We had no idea how widespread it was, how far advanced it was, if it was in her organs, or just in the two legs that had swollen up.  As my new derm doc best friend, Dr. O'Neill of Nashville Vet Specialists, told me: it doesn't matter how far the fungus has moved in, the treatment will be the same.  

The Treatment:
We are replicating a treatment plan of the only known success story of a dog surviving this combination of afflictions - a whippit in Australia in 2006.  The NORMAL course of action is amputation/excision of the affected area.  That is not possible in She-Ra's case because it's in two legs (that we know of), and because her immune system disorder has affected her clotting, she wouldn't survive surgery anyway.  So for us, we place a drug in fluids under her skin, and the medication is slowly absorbed into her system.  We do this twice a week - thank our Heavenly Father that I work in Nashville and that NVS lets me drop her off early in the morning so I can continue working my normal schedule!  The staff continue to amaze me in their generosity and affection toward She-Ra.

After 8 anti-fungal treatments, She-Ra received the go-ahead from the internist to start weaning off her final immune-suppressing drug (woohoo!).  We are hoping that with a full-strength immune system, she and the anti-fungal drug will start kicking some serious fungus tail.  The last two visits have been encouraging - it looks like we don't have any new lesions, which is very exciting!

I've been debating about addressing the question I am asked the most...isn't that EXPENSIVE?

Um.  Yes.

But I am what you might call....determined.  She has a chance to survive.  Dr. O'Neill is determined to have her survive.  Boyfriend and I are resolute that she will survive.  My 6 year old nephew speaks daily with God about helping her survive.  So as I told Boyfriend, I will find a way to make this happen.

And God has provided.

I have had more opportunities to take pictures and make extra money in varying ways than I ever have before.

BUT, it's truly not about the money.  I don't add up the current costs in my head, I don't count how much it will cost in the future.  We all have our own battles that we have to decide to fight.  Right now, this is mine.  It's about triumph.  Miracles.  Faith.  It's about fighting the odds and not backing down when things get tough. The chances of her survival were 50/50 with just the one immune disorder.  Even slimmer when the fungal infection moved in.  But even with those slim chances, A CHANCE DOES EXIST.  How could I not take every advantage to be the one in a million long shot hail Mary that makes everyone wonder how in the world we did it?!?!  To stare challenges in the face and declare that WE will win?!  I'm a fighter.  I'm not a quitter, or a fair-weather fan.  I like long shots, because I like coming out on the other side tougher and having done something few others have done.  These two freak and rare diseases trying to take my girl down don't stand a chance.

It's not about the money.  It's about not giving up.

Don't give up.

Crazy Dreams....

I really do have crazy dreams.  Boyfriend makes fun of them all the time, and I have no rebuttal, because I certainly have no idea where they come from!  In this case, however, I'm talking about a song.  I have recently started watching my DVRd episodes of Smash.  I'm undecided if I love it or not at this point, but on one episode, Megan Hilty's character sings "Crazy Dreams"...here are the lyrics:

Hello you long shots

You dark horse runners

Hairbrush singers, dashboard drummers

Hello you wild magnolias

Just waiting to bloom

There's a little bit of all that inside of me and you

Thank God even crazy dreams come true

I stood at the bottom of some walls I thought I couldn't climb

I felt like Cinderella at the ball just running out of time

So I know how it feels to be afraid

Think that it's all gonna slip away

Hold on, hold on

Here's to you free souls, you firefly chasers

Tree climbers, porch swingers, air guitar players

Here's to you fearless dancers, shaking walls in your bedrooms

There's a lot of wonder left inside of me and you

Thank God even crazy dreams come true

Never let a bad day be enough

To go and talk you in to giving up

Sometimes everybody feels like you

Oh, feels like you, just like you

Thank God even crazy dreams come true

Thank God even crazy dreams come true

Well, I couldn't help but feel that song speak to me.  Now I love music.  LOVE it.  It's playing in the background 99% of my day (either really playing, or playing in my mind!).  But there are a few songs that have absolutely smacked me in the face with their words and have either motivated me, or validated me, or just said exactly what I wanted to say.  Crazy Dreams has now been added to that list.  

Previous list-makers:  

~ 2003: Feels Like Today by Rascal Flatts (I was in a funk upon arriving at my first Army unit, and this song was my get-over-yourself-and-move-on song)

~ 2005: Great Light of the World by Bebo Norman (my entire Baghdad deployment: "Oh great Light of the World, fill up my soul...")

~ 2006: Evanescence's Fallen album.  I was in a partially dark place after Baghdad, and so many of her songs were too.  But they are also beautiful, and the disc was on repeat for a few weeks (plus, who doesn't love that part at the end of My Immortal when her soft voice leads to her band rocking out?!).

~ 2008: I Was Here by Lady Antebellum (one of the songs for the 2008 Olympics).  I can't play this loud enough.  I would provide all the lyrics, because I love them so much, but that's not what this blog post is about.  (Just the chorus, because now I have it on repeat as I'm typing:  "I wanna do somethin' that matters, say somethin' different, somethin' that sets the whole world on its ear.  I wanna do somethin' better with the time I've been given.  And I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life, and leave nothin' less, than somethin' that says, 'I was here'...and I know that I, I will do more than just pass through this life...")

Back to Crazy Dreams...well, I have this crazy dream of making photography a full-time gig.  Sometimes I feel like there are SO MANY of us out there with our digital cameras snapping away trying to take it to the next level, what makes me think I'm any different?  I'm moving slowly, but that's how I like it.  Ok, sometimes I wish things would move faster, but I like taking my time learning some of this new stuff.  So.  Much.  New.  Stuff.  Sometimes I wonder why I bother learning all this new stuff,  when I was perfectly happy with my pictures before!  Hmmm...perfectly happy?  Weeelllll......   Then why did I beg Boyfriend for PSE10 for Christmas when PSE7 was working just fine?  Why did I save for my new 50mm lens?  Why did I leap at the chance to nab Lightroom 3 on sale the other day?  Why am I absolutely chomping at the bit and counting down the hours until Jasmine Star's photog seminar in Nashville  (79 and 1/2 hrs at the time of this writing!)?  And why am I obsessively pouring over photog blogs for tips, support and inspiration?!  Well apparently I want this crazy dream.  WANT.  DESIRE.  LONG FOR.  I know it may take awhile.  I know I still have oh so very much to learn.  I know it won't happen tomorrow, or even next year.  But it will happen.  Day by day, lesson by lesson, and picture by picture.  And PS, I am TOTALLY also a hairbrush singer :).

Hello you long shots, You dark horse runners...Hairbrush singers, dashboard drummers...Hello you wild magnolias, Just waiting to bloom....

New Feature: FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE (FOTP)

As many of you know by now, my girl She-Ra {Princess of Power!} has developed an immune deficiency disorder.  While it is mostly under control thanks to medication, we discovered a new infection a few nights ago in one of her front paws.  Ordinarily, this would not be a big deal - and it still may not be - but for the moment we have to investigate if this is a sign of a bigger problem.  I called and left a message with a tech at the Nashville Vet Specialists, asking for our Dr. Wang to call me at work to let me know if I needed to bring She-Ra in.  NVS had taken in some of the dogs rescued in Operation Sweethearts, so I didn't want to pester the vet unnecessarily.  At the end of my work day, I still had not heard anything, so I called back.  Turns out that Dr. Wang had indeed called. Now I RARELY leave my desk.  Apparently she literally called in the two minutes I was not at my desk to answer my phone, so a co-worker answered.  And said that there was no one in the office by that name.  Dr. Wang had asked for me using my boyfriend's last name.  Boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years, so when they call me Mrs. S at the vet, I don't think twice.  It happens all the time.  It never crossed my mind that calling me by his last name would make me miss a message.  It never crossed my mind that I wouldn't be at my desk to answer the phone!  So at that point, it was too late to drive all the way back home (1 hour) to pick She-Ra up, and then to drive her back in to see Dr. Wang (another hour).  Dr. Wang suggested I try to get She-Ra to my local vet.  Which closes at 5PM.  It was 3:45, I had an hour drive to the house, and then I had to get to the local vet.  Sheesh.  My extremely understanding boss let me bolt, and I hit the highway.  And hit traffic.  And got stuck behind a semi.  And I tried not to cry.

Are you wondering about my "focus on the positive" yet??

It was when I got stuck behind the semi that I tried to force myself to calm down and take a deep breath.  I do honestly believe that all things happen for a reason, so I repeated that outloud a few times, and then turned on the radio.  I switched it to WAY FM, a contemporary Christian radio station.  The band Red greated me with their song "Not Alone."  And at that point I smiled.  It's a song that has - no joke - been on each time I've had to drive She-Ra to/from the vet.  And here it was again.  A few minutes later the local vet called to let me know that they had a sister clinic that was open until 7PM, and that our local DVM happened to be there that night.  I'm not making this stuff up, folks. 

So there's my FOTP point for this entry: I am not alone.  You are not alone. 

For some people, this is a cop-out that Christians use when people are going through a rough time..."God is with you" sometimes just doesn't mean anything to a person in the midst of hurt.  I can only say that yesterday, it brought me back to a place where I was ok.  Where I was reminded that I am not, in fact, alone.  I have friends and family who have been supporting us along the way (a friend kept my other two dogs while I took She-Ra to the vet, so they didn't have to spend 18 hours alone), and I have a God who notices me sitting in traffic stressing about a dog....

....my beautiful dog, if I do say so myself :)

"I am with you.  I will carry you through it all...I won't leave you, I will catch you.  When you feel like letting go, you are not, you're not alone..."

~ God, via Red